Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
