just tell him i said nine months
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
