so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
