the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well you can't waste a boner
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
