i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
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'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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