She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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