So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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