okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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