True but thats because hes a fetus.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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