Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
