I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
