well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
