I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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