So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
