he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
