hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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