the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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