I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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