somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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