Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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