My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
