Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
