On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
