I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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