Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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