Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
