Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
