guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
