She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
