new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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