I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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