You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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