just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
