i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize