He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
