I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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