You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm getting married
To pizza
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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