he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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