You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize