that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
