I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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