Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He kissed a someone with a penis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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