marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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