i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
