you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
