The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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