I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.