Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
