I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.