Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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