I wanna passion pit in your ass
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
