i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
