there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
