Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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