I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
