You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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