Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
