I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
