my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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