I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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