fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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