Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
