I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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