If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
