my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
