Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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