my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
