The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
