You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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