i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
