he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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