its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
